Inner flood

I wrote the following in early February, the day before my Reiki 2 attunement.

Since I started getting Reiki in December I have felt like a dam within me broke through. I have finally let go of the energy I was holding for a new job and possible move, which never materialized.  My energy is now free to find new directions.

I probably would have made this shift anyway, but the addition of the Reiki is making this change all the more powerful and swift. The dam within me burst and my heart is flowing out. My acupuncture intern noticed the change in me as soon as she saw me this week. "I can tell by your face that things are much better for you," she said.

Tomorrow morning I receive a Reiki 2 attunement. Right after my Reiki 1 attunement a decade ago I felt like the top of my head had been lifted off and I had been scrubbed out with a bottle brush. It was uncomfortable, and I don’t think I was ready then for that much energy to run through me. But now I have over nine years of meditation and yoga practice, and two of qigong, behind me. And four recent Reiki healing sessions to cleanse and prepare me. I think I’m ready.

Even still, I want to prepare myself. This evening, I will do some qigong to work out any tension in my body, then spend the rest of the evening in meditation and prayer. I will eat a light dinner and an even lighter breakfast. I’m supposed to fast for 12 hours before the attunement, but I don’t do well with fasting, so she says it’s okay for me to eat a very light meal.

I am excited, and a little nervous. After this I will be able to give distance energy healing to others, as well as giving healing to myself in a way that won’t cause me pain. It will also increase my spiritual awareness and will most likely continue the opening I am feeling going on inside me.

Fall Into Spring

A lot has happened in my life since the last time I posted here. Sadness and frustration gave way to expansion and growth as the year turned from fall, to winter, to spring. This post gives the highlights of those changes.

My fall seemed unrelentingly stressful. My elderly cat, who had taken so much care for over a year, finally worsened and I had to put her to sleep in early September. I became increasingly unsatisfied with my work situation over the summer, and applied for several jobs to change my situation, but with no luck. For reasons that I won’t go into here, those potential work avenues are now closed.

I struggled with pressures on the work front, both positive and frustrating, that just kept coming and never let up.

I continued to feel frustrated with my lack of strength and flexibility.

I just wanted a life that worked again.

I felt like I was in a holding pattern. Craving movement, and frustrated at its lack. As is often the case when it feels that life isn't working, I recognized that much of the frustrations I was feeling were because of my attachment to a certain outcome. One particular job that I wanted badly. Getting this job would have meant a big change in my life, including a potential move. As I waited to hear about it, I held open space in my life that I hoped that job would fill.  

At the change of the year things began to shift. I started making new, positive steps in my life.

* I started seeing a Reiki healer I had seen a few times about a decade before. Our work together really shifted my energy and freed some of the blockages in my life.

* I began making plans for the new year. Plans that would fill the space I had been keeping empty. My New Years goals for 2011 included 1) begin taking Tai Chi classes and 2) begin teaching meditation regularly.

I started teaching/leading mediation classes in February.

In late February, after too long a delay, I was finally able to find time to have a heart-to-heart with my manager, and ask for some of the duties I had found missing in my job. Amazingly, she was able to give me everything that I asked for. My job is now (for the time being at least) much more fulfilling than it has been in a long while.

I started weekly Tai Chi classes in April.  

My life has changed in so many ways for the better. All of the new things in my life have brought me a great deal of learning and growth. I plan to be a better blogger and record some of those blessings here.